Why Fall Is my Favorite
I remember the day that I decided that fall was my favorite season. I was fourteen and reading a Myspace survey my friend posted. (Raise your hand if you remember those bad boys?!) One of her questions was, “What is your favorite month?”. She answered with “Fall. Because it is the one time that dying is beautiful.” I remember thinking to myself as I read this answer, “First of all homegirl is DEEP and secondly, that is crazy true...”
But you see now that I know Jesus I realize that fall isn’t the only time when dying is beautiful. Jesus’ death is the most beautiful thing I can think of. One death for a lifetime of beauty. One fall for a lifetime of spring. What a trade off. Each drop of blood was like a red leaf falling from a tree, filling the ground. Each drop of blood allowing new, beautiful life to come in spring.
But I can’t think of Jesus’ death without thinking of my own. His death calls me to my own death to myself and to my flesh.
I sit on this ornate off white chair looking out an enormous second story window where trees and the grey sky are all I can see. As I watch the wind blow and leaves dance down to the ground I wonder if this is what it looks like when we die to ourself. Each vibrantly colored leaf falling because the tree needs to make room for new life. I wonder if Jesus looks at my life and sees each thing I’m choosing to die to as beautiful. I wonder, as He walks up to embrace me in this season of painful choices to let go of what I have held onto, if He takes pleasure in the crunching of my choices under His feet, just as I take pleasure in crunching crisp fall leaves under my own.
I wonder if He takes pleasure in me embracing the changing of the seasons. In the letting go.
You see trees are supposed to produce leaves, but they must get rid of what they produce to make room for new things. Just like us. What we are dying to; what we are choosing to give up many times are things that we were supposed to produce at one time, but we must give up so we can embrace the new things that are coming in the spring. We must make room so we can be healthy.
And so I sit here I wonder if Jesus looks at my life and thinks it is one of the only times that dying is beautiful.